To medicate or not...

I am a huge fan of modern medicine. Sure I have dipped my toes into the world of alternative medicine, acupuncture to help me get pregnant, homoeopathic medicine for my baby's cough and reiki and reflexology just to keep me (almost!) sane. But when I go to the doctor I generally comply with whatever they tell me to do. But what if the medicine is worse than the cure?
 
   So why do we take drugs at all? A colleague put it brilliantly recently at an event we were running for a long running medical drama in Birmingham. He was asked if he took medication for his bipolar (there was a lot of bipolar in that room as far as I know 3 out of 4 of us running the workshop). He replied that he took his pills but in the same way that he kept fit and healthy or undertook talking therapies. In other words he took a very holistic approach to his self care.

    This is the same for me. I know that regular running, a healthy diet and someone listening to me are all factors in keeping well but I also know that medication plays a huge part. This is something I learned to my cost last year. I was feeling really well and had been stable for a couple of years. The things that were bothering me were actually the side effects of the mood stabilisers I take. A foggy brain in the morning, a lack of creativity, ridiculous weight gain. I began to question if these downsides were worth it so I did what every doctor will warn you not to do. I came off them...

     The result was a period of a few weeks where I was ill, unable to leave the house and suicidal. Luckily I got support in the form of home visits, I was moved to a higher dose of my meds and with the help of friends and family things began to slowly get better. But with my 'well' self the issues with the medication still stood.

      So I am now on the cusp of starting a new medication. I was told by my psychiatrist to go away and read about it before I make any decisions. The list of side affects is of course many lines long but it may address the issues I have. How do I feel about replacing one set of very powerful drugs with another? Not great, I read with horror about the likelihood of developing terrible physical illnesses, indeed some people with severe mental illnesses can expect to live a full ten years less than everyone else. But the alternative is just too hard to even contemplate. Unfortunately I need pharmaceutical help with my illness, just like my colleague although I guess I need to work on the rest of that wellbeing a little more and one day you never know I will be able to say goodbye to that prescription pad for good.